So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
