I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
