I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
