Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
