i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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