I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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