I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
