When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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