Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
