Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
