seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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