So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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