Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
