Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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