I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
