I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
