either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
