guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
