Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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