ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
