I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
