Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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