Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
