he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
