I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
