Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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