I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
