It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
