Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
