Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
