WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
we should paint friendship bongs
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