after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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