im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
