he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
