We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
