Kiss
Puke
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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