he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
