i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize