I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
