My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
