We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
