there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
