Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
