oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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