Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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