my vag is so smooth its legendary
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
