You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
