Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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