He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
