3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
