he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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