You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
