She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So many bounce houses so little time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
